Saturday Roaming and Reflections

3rd January 2004

I had the worst sleep last night. Thankfully today hasn’t been as hot; I can actually sit on the couch and not leave a sweat stain. I’ve been tired all day, and it didn’t help that we had to go see Nanna this morning. Dad woke me up way too early. Doesn’t he know that weekends = sleep ins? And it’s like, the only day I get one because I have work tomorrow. 9am is NOT a sleep in. So obviously I ignored him, but then he did the usual thing – brought in reinforcements.

Grace doesn’t understand that people need sleep. She barged in, whacked my head and then jumped on me. Her morning catchphrase?

“Wake up Lazybones!”

Ugh. And all the while Dad watches and laughs his head off. Like seriously, who finds that stuff funny? It’s a pretty warped sense of humour, if you ask me. Grace ends up laughing too, even though she doesn’t know why it’s funny. It’s so sad. This happens so often that I have to get up against my will, otherwise she just keeps on going.

I didn’t talk to mum and dad the whole car ride to the nursing home. Grace was trying to grab my headphones but I gave her my sunnies to ruin instead. There’s no way I would ever give them to her – they are the best ones I own! They cost like $50. I love that feeling that you get when you’re listening to some music and it gives you goosebumps, all the while staring out the window the whole time. It makes me feel like I’m in a scene from a movie. I don’t know if other people feel like that, maybe it’s only me.

We arrived at Nanna’s nursing home and Dad forgot the passcode to get in. He tried about 3 times, and then the alarms started to go off! I freaked and Mum started going off at dad. Grace was balling her eyes out and Dad looked like a deer caught in headlights. OMG it was so embarrassing! The attending nurse had to race down the stairs to turn it off and buzz us through. Then she got hell mad at dad and told him to write the code down so that it never happens again. I don’t think I’d forget the code after that.

Nanna was in her room watching TV. She was so happy to see us; she tried to give me a Werther’s Original but I really wasn’t in the mood for butterscotch. We sat around for a little bit watching TV with her, until dad suggested that we go out for lunch. I threw dad my ‘pissed off’’ look – I thought that we would be back by midday! It worked out in the end though. Nanna bought me a couple of magazines at the shops, and I got an ice-cream from Wendys. They are sooooo good!

We dropped Nanna back at the nursing home and as we were about to leave, she started to get real upset. She didn’t want us to go and then she started crying. I felt so bad. I honestly don’t know how dad copes with her having Dementia. Like, sometimes when we visit, she’s perfectly fine, but then there are times where she forgets who we are and we have to go in circles, telling her our names again and again. But it’s not just our names she forgets. It’s other things too. That’s how dad picked up that something wasn’t right with her before she got diagnosed.

At first, it was just small things that we used to laugh about with her, like putting eggs in the freezer instead of the fridge, or misplacing her keys, but it started becoming full on when she couldn’t remember if she had boiled the kettle or not. She kept turning it on, not realising that there was no water in it, and it burnt a hole right through the bottom of the kettle! I think there were some other things that happened, which led to her seeing the doctor about her forgetfulness. They ended up confirming what my parents suspected. So dad and uncle Robert decided that she wasn’t safe living by herself anymore, so they put her in the nursing home about 4 years ago.

I hope that I never forget the people I know. It would be really, really hard not remembering so much of your life, that’s why I keep a diary. Just in case something happens, you know?

Once we got home, dad said that he had to buy some things from Bunnings, so he left me with mum and Grace. Mum asked if I wanted a Milo. I said yes. I knew this was a peace offering, so I wasn’t going to turn it down. Plus, it’s Milo. Who turns down Milo?!

I got my drink and went straight on the computer. I was worried that Britt wasn’t going to be on MSN, but thank God she was. I told her everything about New Year’s and how I feel about Joshua. She wasn’t very helpful; she was real short with me, like she was distracted or something. I asked her if everything was ok, and she didn’t answer. I hope she’s ok. I still haven’t heard from her tonight.

I’m not sure if I want to tell any of my other friends about New year’s and Joshua until I’ve made sense of it in my head. I’m a bit scattered. Like, right now, I think the stuff that Lewis said to me didn’t mean anything. But I think the thing I’m most confused about is Joshua, and why he hasn’t msged me back. It’s been 2 days now. I reckon he didn’t get it at all. Or maybe I was too short? Or worse.

Maybe he thinks I’m not interested.

I AM interested. Well, I think I am. I miss him. Heaps. We didn’t really talk in person when we were dating, but his msgs were so sweet. And I’ve had a crush on him like since the end of year 8. Feelings can’t just go away like that after 3 years… can they? I think I need to sleep on it. It’s pretty late and I have work tomorrow. Maybe I’ll have a clearer head in the morning.

Amber A.


How long was your longest crush? More than Amber’s? Love to hear about your experience in the comments below!

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