Sunday, 8th February 2004
Ok. I’m going to summarise my day before I lose my shit.
- Grace came into my room and yelled ‘Wake up Lazybones!’ until I got up. So annoying!
- It was hell hot today. And I had to work outside. I was drenched in sweat and I looked like shit by the end of the day. I got a nice tan though, so that’s a plus.
- And as for work? It was busy, as usual. I got asked a couple of times what happened to my forehead, so that really annoyed me. Michael drove me home (with Larry sleeping in the front passenger seat – again) after our shifts were done.
- We had pizza for dinner, except that they stuffed up my order. I wanted Hawaiian but they gave me Meatlovers. Thanks a lot.
- I finished off the last of my homework. Surprisingly, it didn’t take as long as I thought it would, so I went on the net.
I seriously regret doing that now.
I found out why Jenny is mad with me.
Yup. She is mad with me.
I logged onto MSN and I noticed her username had changed. And then I saw it change again. Right before my eyes. She was on. BUT offline. Meaning, she was definitely online. I decided to start a chat with her anyway. I knew she’d get my chat, and I knew she’d respond if I called her out. And I did.
Me: i KNO ur online Jen. Plz unblock me and tlk 2 me!
Me: i dunno wat ive done 2 upset u bt can we plz talk about it?
Still, no response. I took an ‘obvious’ stab in the dark.
Me: is it coz of Taj?
And then… Jenny came online. OMG. Finally.
Jenny: y do u always do dis?
Me: do wat?
Jenny: play innocent. u kno exactly wat u’ve done
W.T.F? Ummm, if I knew what I had done, this conversation wouldn’t be happening.
Me: no, i don’t. im really upset day i’ve made u angry
Jenny: wateva. ur not. UR upset dat UR feeling upset. NOT that im upset! typical Amber.
Typical Amber? Is she kidding me? Like seriously? This was getting worse. Like, way worse. I didn’t know whether or not to cry, or get angry. She was really testing me.
Me: … I can’t change nething if dunno wat the problem is
Jenny: ur just so self-centred im SICK of it!
Me: umm… ok? Plz Jenny, can u tell me wats going on?
Jenny: … fine… I probably shoulda told u last year, but I kinda had a crush on Taj…
Me: why didn’t u tell me!
Jenny: it was afta France n every 1 was like ‘wat happened in France, stays in France’. u kno as well as I do that that’s a gud thing. esp 4 u.
She was right. Jenny and I weren’t talking towards the end of the trip. I’m not even going to go into it because I’m a bit ashamed of how I acted over there. And not just towards her…
Me: ok… bt still… i wud’ve set u guys up if I’d known. is dis y u mad at me?
Jenny: yes n no it’s just…
Jenny: k. dun hate me, but ur track record with guys is not gud n like, i dun like Taj in that way nemore bt i dun want him 2 get hurt by u he’s my friend 2 u kno
Ouch. Just… ouch.
She has a total lack of faith in me… I didn’t know whether to go into denial or get angry. How could she say that to me? She hasn’t even had a proper boyfriend before so like, she doesn’t know what happens when you’re in a relationship! Ok, yeah, I got bored, like, after 4 months when I was with Joshua… but so what? I’m NOT going to go out with someone who I don’t like anymore. That’s just leading them on. And I DONT want to do that. But at least I gave it a shot and now I know that Joshua isn’t the right person for me. So, why does she object to me finding out if Taj is ‘the one’ for me?
Me: ok I gt that… but like, he’s a big boi; no 1 is makin him like me, if he even does like me n asks me out…
Jenny: u kno he likes u n u kno he’s gonna ask u out. but ur bein a hypocrite
Hypocrite? Excuse me?
Me: wtf Jenny
Jenny: u did the exact thing with Amy n ur getting mad wit me? So. Pathetic.
OMFG! I can’t believe she just called me pathetic! Where does she get off saying that? She’s the pathetic one; she’s comparing apples with oranges! I was more worried that Amy was going to get physically hurt, more so than emotionally. Dan’s a complete stranger to us and we didn’t know anything about him. But we both know Taj. We spent 13 fucking days with him, overseas, in a confined group! If he was going to freak out on us, we would have seen that side of him by now. I just don’t get her logic and I was getting really pissed off.
Me: well dats totally different Dan was shady. Taj isn’t
I saw her writing, then it stopped. Then it started again. And stopped. Surely, she gets my point of view… right?
Jenny: wateva. I knw ud do this im oudi!
I stared at the screen, gobsmacked. How the hell did it all go downhill so fast? I saved the conversation and sent it to Britt. I want her to tell me Jenny’s point of view because it’s so wrong. She’s just lashing out at me because she still likes Taj. I mean, she can deny it all she wants, but I saw the way she was flirting with him on Aus day and she was clearly crushing on him. I even called her out on it but she denied it. And I asked her if she was interested in him too! She said no and she tried to push me to make a move on him! Like, WTF!
I did all the right things by her and now she’s mad at me!
Well, you know what? I’m NOT apologising to her because I haven’t done anything wrong this time. It’s her problem; she should have been honest with me from the start.
I’m not backing down just so she can have a failed shot at him.
Because it will fail.
She’s not me.
Taj is mine.