Tuesday, 17th February 2004
I’m not going to lie… it is sooooo weird having a boyfriend again.
Like, I know it was only like 8 months ago that I was going out with Joshua, but I completely forgot how strange it actually is. And considering that Taj doesn’t sit in the quadrangle, it means that I will be alternating between my group… and his. And I really don’t want to do that.
I wanted to talk to him tonight about it… but I chickened out. I know! It’s such a stupid thing to even talk about, but I think it’s seriously going to become an issue later on. And I don’t want to come across as selfish either. It’s not that I don’t like his group – they are really nice (especially Megan) – but I just don’t know how there will be room for me… AND Leanne. I think… I’m going to find it really intimidating if I’m there, and she’s there, watching my every single move. And knowing that she probably still has feelings for Taj? Well, that’s just the icing on the cake.
So today, I wasn’t really sure what I was meant to do. I asked the girls at recess if I was meant to go over to his group and see him, but they told me just to sit tight and wait for him to come to me. He is the guy, after all. Well, that’s what Mercy said. But. He never came. I was actually a little disappointed. Did he not want to see me? Was our relationship meant to be online only? Did something happen to him?
So when lunch time came around I asked the girls again if I should go over and see him. Amy and Jenny said yes, Lauren and Britt were unsure, and Mercy said no. Thanks girls. Seriously.
I felt really embarrassed. Like I had been stood up or something. I was getting to the point where I didn’t even want to see him. He’s meant to be my boyfriend, so why wasn’t he making the effort to come and see me? I decided to write him a letter to ask him what was going on:
I asked Jenny to take it to him. She came back about 5 minutes later…
My stomach started doing bellyflops.
“Hi girls,” he greeted happily, “Hi Amber. Do you want to go for a walk?”
He went to grab my hand, but I pulled away. I’m so not ready to show public affection. I mean, this was the first time I’d seen him since he asked me out!
“Am I moving too fast for you?” Taj asked observantly.
“A little bit,” I replied, shyly.
“Ok. Well, you can grab my hand whenever you’re ready,” he said as he quickly changed the subject, “So how are you?”
“I’m good. How are you?”
“I’m a lot better today. Yesterday I was pretty out of it… I wasn’t in any state to come to school.”
“I’m glad to hear that you’re ok. I hear hay fever is the worst,” I said sympathetically.
“I take it you don’t get hay fever? That’s a good thing. At least you won’t have to miss out on school,” he replied, half sarcastically.
As much as the small chit chat was exciting, I was getting a little impatient. I had to get the conversation moving faster.
“So, how was your recess?” I asked innocently.
“It was ok. But it would have been better if I had seen you,” he replied, half teasing me.
“Well, you could have come and seen me…”
“That thought did cross my mind, but I thought considering I did ask you out last week, that the ball was in your court.”
I stopped walking, “Well no… it was in yours. You weren’t here yesterday.”
“A player can’t play if he’s not there Amber. Metaphorically speaking,” Taj said wisely.
“Hmm… I suppose. So… how is this going to work then? At school, I mean.”
“How’s what going to work?”
“Uh, who visits who. You know, group arrangements?”
Gosh, for someone who is so smart, he can be a little dumb. Lol.
“I haven’t really thought about it. Does there need to be one? Can’t we just sit by ourselves, away from everyone and enjoy each other’s company?” Taj said thoughtfully.
“Um, we could. I suppose. But it would be a bit weird,” I replied awkwardly, “I would feel more comfortable having my friends around me.”
“I guess that’s where you and I differ. I couldn’t care less if my friends were around me or not,” he said sadly, “But I know that you’re a girl and you need your support group. It’s basically, if I date you, I’m dating your group too… figuratively speaking.”
He lost me, “Um… ok.”
“How about we take turns? So, one day I will sit with your group, and the next day, you come and sit with mine,” Taj suggested.
Bingo. I just knew that was going to say that. It’s really not ideal for me, but like I said, I don’t want to come across as selfish. I guess I will just have to just grin and bear it. Girls do things in relationships that they don’t really want to do, and I guess this is going to be my sacrifice.
“Sounds like a good plan,” I agreed, even though I really didn’t.
“Ok, so since I came to see you today-”
“Hang on,” I objected, “I sent Jenny to your group today, that technically means that tomorrow you have to sit with my group.”
“No… you sent Jenny, not you,” Taj corrected me, “So technically, you never made a move.”
“Yes I did!” I said, getting a little worked up, “You said that the ball was in my court, so my first move was to get Jenny to give you a letter. So technically, that means tomorrow you have to sit with my group.”
Taj went silent. I could tell he was thinking about what I had said and trying to come up with another response. As much as I know it was all witty banter, I did feel like I was arguing with him, which is not good for a 5-day old relationship.
“Ok, you win,” he said in a defeated voice, “I know I’m right though. But I am happy to go with what you’re comfortable with. And if you feel better when you’re around your friends, then I’m happy.”
I smiled, “I’m glad you see it my way. You’ll like them, I just know you will!”
We got back to my group just as everyone else was moving off to last period. Taj gave me a hug (sooooo warm) and asked me if I wanted to hang out after school. Damnit! He keeps asking at the wrong time! I told him that I have piano after school, so I won’t be able to. He seemed a little sad, but he said to make sure I keep this Saturday free for our first date. He says he has something ‘awesome’ planned.
Omg! He is like, so thoughtful! I seriously can’t believe how lucky I am to have a guy like Taj. I am literally counting down the days until our date.
I just know it’s going to be the best one EVER!